It’s Hard To Be Pissed When Singing About a Prune

UnknownThere are times when life just gets to be so much and there’s so much stupid drama it’s just not worth the effort to get out of bed. BUT then you being to think of all the crazy stuff that happens every day.

The other day my 91 year old father called me and said,
“Say, I need some shorts.?
“What kind of shorts are we talking about Daddy?” I asked.
“The kind you wear.” He replied.
“No Daddy are we talking about underwear, or are we talking about pants?” I questioned.
“The pants without legs.” He confirmed.

Now I know what he means but what he just said is kinda funny. Pants without legs wouldn’t be pants at all, but considering it’s Daddy talking I let it slide. YEP, It’s Hard To Be Pissed When Singing About A Prune.

I’m here in my house and I hear some kind of noise outside and it sounds like it’s coming from the back yard. So I call the police. I pay my taxes, I should get their services. Within a minute of two the police are there, and they didn’t send just one car, then sent two. WOW, two for the price of one. Not a bad deal. Anyway, they didn’t find anything at all except dog poop and one of them stepped in it. And they were both handsome (I was gonna say cute, but in case VPD reads this blog, I don’t want to lessen the manliness of any male officers) When they are there a flashlight shines through my bedroom window (yes I had on jammies) and Brodie goes NUTS, he’s so bad I couldn’t hold onto him. Well you know dogs, and he makes a big stink in the kitchen. And by this time the officers are on the patio. So I say Hey guys, and one of them comes up to the open window (I know I should shut it, and it is now) and tells me that Brodie is the best deterrent than anything. Then Brodie decides that tripping Mommy is a good thing. Imagine a scene out of “I Love Lucy.” Get the picture? Yep that was me. It’s Hard To Be Pissed When Singing About A Prune

Life will throw us many curve balls. It’s how we handle those silly curve balls that make all the difference. Death of a spouse and/or child can be one of those curve balls. There are days when nothing seems right and it just pisses me off, but then there are days that feel so right I cringe because I have to think it’s not going to last another minute. Well, that one minute turns into a lot of minutes and before I know it, it’s been an entire week. Those pissed off days are so much farther between then what they were a year ago.

The funny stuff is there, all you have to do is realize it and enjoy that one moment. At some point being pissed won’t be who you are, but rather who you were.

Special Thanks goes to Allie Franklin for the title of this post. You Rock ALLIE!!

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This Lonely Life of Mine

Being a widow is a lonely life. I’m sure some are wondering why I’m writing this, but I’ll tell you the truth and only the truth as I see it. Ever since Robb died in Iraq my life has become very lonely. I’m home most nights by myself. I rarely go out and when I do go out I’m by myself. On Tuesday afternoon I went to Barnes and Noble by myself to pick up a book that just came out. I hung out there as long as I could, but eventually I had to come home. Today I took the laptop to the Geek Squad to get it fixed, then I went and picked up lunch at a Philly steak place. Now the last two days I forced myself out the door, which it seems to have become the norm for me lately. Before Robb died I was always doing something with someone. What happened?

I think being a widow causes people to not want to talk to you for fear that they will say something that will remind me of Robb. Well, hell I do that all on my own anyway, so it’s not a biggie with me. I think people just don’t know how to talk to me anymore. They don’t know what to say for fear they might offend me or I them. They don’t want to take a look into my life as it is now knowing what my life was like before. I think it’s hard for them to do that. When Robb was alive we did stuff with other couples all the time. Now, my phone only rings when my daughter calls, my brother calls, or a telemarketing company calls. I think that a lot of women see me as who they don’t want to be, meaning the widow. There’s a connotation with the word “widow” and it’s not a good one either. When I really think about the word “widow” I think of something dark and kinda creepy. I don’t see happiness, joy, hope, or anything pleasant and that tells me most others see the same as I do. Now I must admit when I look at it that way, I wouldn’t want to spend time with me either, just because the word isn’t something we assign a good meaning to it. That’s sad I think. It would be so nice to have friends that would actually call me and say, “hey lets go to a movie, or go for a cup of coffee.” and yet that doesn’t happen.

I have discovered that this happens to other widows as well. But it still boggles my mind. Why do we do this? Why is being a widow so terrible that we don’t reach out and bring them into our group. At church I wanted to be in a small group, and after I signed up I never received a call. I’m not sure what happened, and I like to think there was a mistake along the way, but no one ever called and said you’re in our group. So after a while (like 2 years or so) I asked a couple of group leaders if I could be in their group, and I was told they needed to check with the group to be fair. I said OK and now I’m in a small group. I’m still not sure why widows are treated like the plague, but that’s how I’ve been treated. This whole death thing is weird anyway, and yet being a widow makes the death thing seem like a much better situation to be in. (not that I’m going to do anything like off myself, I’m way to chicken to do that.)

As American’s I think we view the whole death thing really oddly. Death isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and yet so many of us put such a dark gloomy cloud around it no one wants to even discuss it. Death shouldn’t be feared, well I don’t think it should. I know Robb didn’t fear it. He said so time after time again, “when it’s your time it’s time, there’s nothing you can do about it.” He is right too.

I don’t have any answers yet to my many questions, but rest assured I’m looking for the answers and when I have them I’ll pass them along.