Silly little love songs come on the radio everyday. Everyday there is a song that reminds me of Robb. There was a time when I could listen to them all day every day. Time changes a lot of things in our life, and it certainly has changed Silly Little Love Songs for me.
From Jefferson Starship, George Strait, Lee Brice, Keith Anderson, Blake Shelton, Brad Paisley, Kenny Chesney, James Taylor, Rupert Holmes, John Denver, Seals and Crofts, and the list goes on. All have songs that remind me so much of Robb and the love we shared, the life we led, and the struggles we had. Now it’s all I can do to get through the song without crying. Crying isn’t a good thing especially when you’re driving down the highway with semi’s all around you. Why is it so difficult now after almost 8 years to listen to any of these songs?
OH CRAP, as I’m typing this Keith Anderson’s “I Still Miss You” comes on my iPOD….REALLY GOD? NOW? REALLY? Your timing in impeccable as always.
There are a few aspects of being single I don’t really enjoy. Most of them are trivial and really not all that important in the grand scheme of things. Like going to a restaurant alone, or cooking for one. Yea it’s not really fun, but in the grand scheme of things stuff like this doesn’t matter to me. If I’m cooking for just me, then there’s less to clean up. Right?
I’m not complaining about being single, OK. But I noticed something the other day as I was listening to a song. In Kenny Chesney’s song, “The Good Stuff” there is a line that goes like this, “An’ holdin’ her hand, when the Good Lord called her up,”
What I “Dislike” and what bothers me the most is when I lay dying, who will hold my hand? Not figuratively but in reality who will hold my hand? I started to think about this and the whole idea just made me so sad. Being single isn’t all bad, I know that. I like how my life is going right now. I’m still not sure what the heck I’m supposed to be doing, but the journey to find out has been and is interesting.
I know if I mention this to say people at church they will give me the “pat answer” that’s supposed to comfort, but for me it doesn’t. They will say, “Jesus will be holding your hand, Cait.” I know it’s supposed to make me feel better, but frankly it doesn’t. I guess you can say I’m jealous of couples that are married forever, because they get what I won’t have. Someone holding their hand. To me, that’s comforting and how it’s supposed to be for people. But I guess I’m different in I’m most likely going to be on my own when the time comes.
The only consolation prize that I see is I just might go out in a “blaze of glory” rather than in a hospital bed.