Today I was sitting in Barnes and Noble reading Deitrich Bonhoffer’s book “Life Together” and as I read his words I’ve come to the conclusion the church falls way short when it comes to bereaving people. I’m not saying all churches do this, but as a whole when you add it all up many fall extremely short. But I won’t lay the entire blame on the church because the church is made up of men and women.
I know it’s hard to care for someone who has become a widow. That widow is the third wheel, the odd one out, or God I don’t want to be her person. I say this only because that’s how I feel I’ve been treated. HOWEVER, I don’t say this to lay blame, I’m stating this now because I want to see this change. I don’t want another widow to feel like she’s less than others because she’s the one left behind.
Lets begin with understanding how grief works. Well you can’t because it’s totally different with each individual. I never said this was going to be easy now did I? For me, and me only the first two years were a blur on my radar. I don’t remember much, but I remember people offering invitations for dinner etc, and that’s great! BUT at that time I couldn’t accept because if I did then it would be real and Robb really was never going to walk on this earth again and I would be left behind forever. I wasn’t ready to deal with that, I still don’t but I know it’s time.
People are scared to get to know others in general. Relationships are difficult to maintain especially in our day and age. It takes work to maintain a solid relationship with others and if you don’t have those relationships formed then it’s less likely someone will offer their friendship to a current widow.
My best friend lives over 600 miles away from me, but she’s always there when I need to talk to her. She’s always there offering a place to go to on a holiday. She’s always there offering to have me come on vacation with them. Always she’s there ready and willing to come along side and lift me up. Now my relationship with her and her husband began way before Robb died. We spent a lot of time with this couple and they became dear friends and confidants to both Robb and myself. The relationship was cultivated and has grown from the first day we met. I have other friends that is true, but none can compare to my relationship with my best friend and her husband. I wish I lived closer to them, but that’s just not going to happen. So for now my goal is to help others see me and others like me through a clear lens.