Difficult Words To Say

I Need Help….Three of the most difficult words for me to say to anyone. Since Robb died I’ve found that asking for help is so hard.

I recently finished painting my living room and hallway. Now I really don’t like painting all that much, but it needed to be done. However I have 12’ ceilings in my living room and getting that high on a ladder is a bit hairy for me. For some ODD reason I’ve been getting dizzy lately and I’m not sure why. I’ll eventually go in to see my doctor about it, but not yet.

Anyway, so I’m up on the ladder, looking up and trying to get the edge done and no paint on the ceiling. THEN I get dizzy, so I get off of the ladder cause last thing I need is to fall off and break my neck. (that wouldn’t be a good thing at all) But do I ask for help? NOOOOO why would I do that? It only makes sense to ask for help, but those three words are the most difficult to say for me.

I don’t want to admit I need help. I don’t want to ask because when I do it just nails the nail hard into the wood that Robb will never be back to do this kind of stuff around the house again.

Maybe others won’t see it, maybe others don’t get it, but I do oh so well. A part of me just doesn’t want that reality to be all that real. I know it is, but there’s a part of me that wishes it wasn’t. Asking for help doesn’t help my little fantasy. Then I just get mad at Robb for dying on me. Stupid sniper anyway. I wish I could kick his ass to hell and back. There I said it.

No I don’t like saying “I need help” and I probably never will.

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