Today I had my appointment with my counselor at the VetCenter. I’m so thankful for my counselor, she’s absolutely AWESOME.. Today I told her I’m having doubts about whether or not I’m doing OK or if I’m reverting back some. I told her I think I’ve been reverting back and that it was bugging me. Everytime I hear of another soldier dying in Afghanistan I get so disappointed. When I hear about a military man/woman being mistreated I become disappointed. And that’s nothing to say about watching a movie that’s about the military or a military operation, I just can’t do it. I’m at the point now that I can’t even talk about Robb without crying and if you know me you know I don’t cry in public!
I used to be able to talk to anyone about Robb and what he meant to me, but not now. I can start, but I get about as far as saying “my husband Robb…” and that’s all that comes out of my mouth. I know why it’s happening, but I certainly don’t like it. We, my counselor and I, talked about why this is happening and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s just something I’m going to go through. I can’t change it, nor do I really want to right now. We talked about grief and how it works and we both agree the phrase, “moving on” is just so wrong to use in regards to grief. “Moving through our grief” is a much better way to describe what a grieving person does. Lets face it, you really never “get over” it anyway, so why even try. Let’s just call it what it is and move through it and it really doesn’t matter if it ends either.
Another thing about today with my counselor I really appreciated. We talked about how some people put up a “shrine” to the dead person. Some do this, and I think people have claimed that I do this (I don’t and it’s a long story for another time). Some people leave the bedroom of a child who has died just the way it was when the child was alive. They don’t change a thing, and family members go in the room and remember the life of the brother/sister/child. I think this is so important, and yet people (the general public) think you need to put all that stuff away and never look at it again. That is SO WRONG!!! There is nothing wrong with remembering the person, and if their stuff helps you to do that GREAT!! If having their stuff around you makes you happy, then SO BE IT! I think it’s important to remember a grieving person will always remember their loved one. A grieving person will never forget the life that was lost, and the last thing anyone should do is try and change that. A motto of TAPS.org (Tradegy Assistance Program for Survivors) is Remember the love, Celebrate the Life, Share the Journey.
If you don’t think I’m doing this right, well then it’s really not my problem now is it?