Learning about myself is always a good thing I think. I just wish others would see the different me and now wish for the old me. Lately and this has happened more than once, people seem to want me to be the me I was before my husband was killed in Iraq. Well, I hate to break it to them, but that’s just not gonna happen. I am a different person since Robb’s death. When you experience the death of your spouse in a combat action you change and that change lasts forever. The grieving seems to settle or doesn’t hold you down on a daily basis and life become a lot better than right after the death. My days now are so much better than anything I experienced before and it’s difficult to explain exactly what I mean. I still have difficult days when I’m depressed but it’s not debilitating any longer. I still function, I get dressed, do stuff around the house, or go down to the school where I volunteer.
What bothers me the most is when people make assumptions based on what they think they know about me. When it comes down to the nitty gritty no one but my psychologist really knows what I’ve been thinking. She knows because I tell her. Assuming that I’m unstable is absolutely crazy on the other person’s part. I am perfectly capable of making decisions that affect me. I am responsible for myself. I will decide how I will live my life, and I will not accept any “advice” from others unless I totally respect them.
So from now on I don’t want to hear about how Robb described me to others. I am not that person any longer and I’ll never be her again. That ship has sailed and it ain’t going back to that port.